Feverish Frog Dreams

Didn't sleep particularly well. Nightmares of frogs dipped in hot wax... Rev. Bobby Welch doing the limbo... Armies of evangelicals wearing fun foam frog visors with large googly eyes... the serious worldwide decline in frog populations... and that decline as an indicator of the environmental health of Planet Earth... folks who are so eager for the rapture of the endtimes that they can justify their continued destruction of the ecosystem.

What, I ask you, is Rev. Bobby Welch doing for the frogs?
He seems to live in a fairly new housing area built over a traditional migratory breeding route for amphibians. He admits publicly that frog squashing is commonplace on his street. Has he considered the possibility of assisting the frogs to reach their destination by encouraging the neighborhood developer to construct amphibian tunnels under the streets?

Welch produced one of the more memorable sermon props in recent history when he displayed a dead frog from the pulpit. "You know how that flat dead frog got this way? A concrete truck ran over it, just down from my house," he said. "This frog's cause of death was not that concrete truck. This frog's cause of death was confusion. This frog belonged in the deep, but he hopped in the street. And that's' where his end came," he said. "You see, if you're destined for deep water, you better go that way. The consequences can be dangerous." He then produced several more smaller dead, flat frogs. "You know where I found all these little dead frogs? Following this big dead frog...." Welch said, holding up an even bigger frog to laughter. " Just because that frog's a big croaker and a high hopper doesn't mean he's going in the right direction." Welch said he regularly sees dead flat frogs when he leaves his home. "And you know what? Just about every day I go around and in the countryside I see a flat dead church and a flat dead bunch of Christians because they got confused and they left the deep. We can go further. We can go deeper. We can do more for the glory of God and the sake of souls if we will get off the bank and go to the deep."


I wish each and every delegate to the convention would get off the bank and off their bazoozy to spend a week in the woods studying frogs outside of ziplock bags. They would learn more about the glory of God and the wonder of Creation than they did in that Nashville convention arena. They might even get a mildly Almighty worrisome itch back behind their right ear that they are not on this planet alone, biding time until their souls are sucked through The Cosmic Pneumatic Tube to the Promised Reward.

"Overall, six significant threats to amphibians and reptiles can be identified: habitat loss and degradation, introduced invasive species, environmental pollution, disease, unsustainable use, and global climate change. " The Center for Applied Biodiversity .

Monty Python might put it thus:

NOBODY expects the destruction of the food chain! The chief threat is habitat loss...habitat loss and degradation...and introduced invasive species.... Our two significant threats to amphibians and reptiles are habitat loss and degradation, and introduced invasive species ... and environmental pollution.... Our *three* significant threats are habitat loss and degradation, environmental pollution, and disease ...and unsustainable use.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* the significant threats to amphibians and reptiles are.... Amongst the threats...are such elements as habitat loss and degradation, introduced invasive species, environmental pollution and disease, unsustainable use, and global climate change....