Surely you vest

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and squirrels! Please give a big round of applause to that most versatile costume piece of all, the vest. Yes, there’s a thespian near you that would love to have your vest.

Remember how cute your son looked in that little three-piece Godfather suit when he played “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in the piano recital? Did he ever wear that suit again? Feel better about the great condition it is still in, and let some little kids wear it to be pirates, presidents, and father-knows-bests.

Ya know the brown vest Leroy wore to Alvira’s third wedding over at the VFW? It could be an explorer’s vest, or a pioneer's. The cute plaid flannel one that went with the denim broomstick skirt? I know you loved those apple buttons, but it is soooo last millennium. The seven dwarfs could wear it to when off to work they go. The silk one with the embroidered mirrors from your “ethnic” phase would look great on either Aladdin or a genie. Is it size 4T to forty? There’s a theater that can use it. And furry? Oh, my gosh, the Neanderthals will go bonkers.

Now lets talk about weddings. We know you never wear the bridesmaid dress again. What your local children’s theater really needs is the flower girl and junior bridesmaid dresses. They’ve got to costume twelve dancing princesses who all want to look royal and twirly! And the teen troupe needs to costume everyone for the Ascot opening day in "My Fair Lady".

Witches pose special costume problems. Being the witch is very fun, but not as glamorous as the dancing princesses. Coaxing is often needed. Young witches love to wear the sequin chiffon floating things that go over your little black cocktail dress, or maybe figure skating outfits. What about the peignoir or Chinese robe your Aunt Millie never got up the nerve to wear?

Dr. Frankenstein, can you hear me? After that last little explosion you gave up your work in the laboratory, right? A children’s theater won’t mind if your lab coats have those little burn holes. They like your scrubs, too, and they will perform a special version of “Putting on the Ritz” for you and your neck bolt friends.

And dear President Bush--I heard Karl won’t let you wear the flight suit anymore. Please donate it to a theater group inside the Beltway. They would love to have your dad’s parachute suits, too. You could maybe get a tax deduction.

If you have too many green jackets from Augusta, I know some dragons that would like to breathe fire on you....