Late last evening I popped the Allman Brothers "Decade of Hits" into the cd player while I worked on a millipede wire sculpture. The Allman Brothers may have saved my life in the early Nineties. I always say a little prayer of thanks when I hear "Jessica" or "Revival". Gregg, Duane, Dickey, and the guys made anthems of pure joy. One particularly hideous day those anthems probably kept me alive.
In the early Nineties my marriage was imploding, but I didn't realize it. For several years I'd been having extreme allergies and chronic sinusitis. The allergy symptoms were being mimicked in the manifestations of a severe depression and massive panic attacks. I was using sinus and allergy medicines to treat the depression and anxiety episodes. My self-confidence and self-esteem were so eroded that I doubted I could sit in a meeting of the parent-teacher organization board, let alone keep coherent minutes of the meeting. I was on the edge of agoraphobia, and my behavior was getting erratic. I had serious insomnia, and spent some nights sitting in the living room counting the bricks in the fireplace as a lifeline. Caring for my three small sons was the only thing giving my life form and routine.
One evening my husband actually came home for supper so that I could go to some sort of meeting. I got in the van shaking all over in anxiety. The radio was on, and the station started playing "seven at seven" (seven hits by a band at seven p.m.). It was the Allman Brothers Band. I chose to keep driving instead of going to the meeting, just so I could listen to the seven hits. I headed up highway 75 toward McKinney, out of suburbia and into farm country. The music was golden. The countryside was lush and green. The sunset was the pinks of roses, lantana, melons, and plum dumplings. It was overpowering the panic. I kept heading north toward Sherman feeling the first sense of calm in months. Somewhere between "Ramblin' Man" and "Midnight Rider" I got angry enough at my situation to vow I wouldn't let it destroy me. I had great little boys. The earth was a beautiful place.
I would love to report that my life was transformed in that moment. I turned around and headed home to my sons. I stayed in the horrible marriage for several more years, but I did get medicine for the panic attacks. The power of my drive north with "Melissa" was in reviving my sense that I had options and that life could be better.
Whatever type of music reminds you to watch the sunset, pop it in the cd player, and crank it up! Life is good.
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