Stupid patron tricks

I'll be starring in the late-night library reality show, heading up the top ten stupid patron jokes tonight. David Letterman will be asking why I put the stamped envelopes for two bills, one letter for my dad, and a sympathy card into the bookdrop. When I called the library the young circ attendant who answered could only roll his eyes.

I'm still asking that question, and my only response is, "I'm a menopausal women in a morning pouring rain." Let's hear Maria Muldaur write that song!

Loaded up the Buick this morning:

• Lunchbox---check


• Printouts of NPR stories about EF (Executive Function)--check


• Totebag of Jetson spacecars--check


• Water jug for rehydrating--check


• Three library books (not yet overdue)in a weatherproof bag--check


• Red cabbage leaf for the class rabbit (much preferred over parsnips)--check


• Notes about the 24 hr. cable Worm Channel--check


• Windshield ice-scraper for worst scenario--check

When I arrived at the Post Office and got ready to jump out of the Buick my envelopes were nowhere to be found. Why is that bag of library books still on the floorboard? Standing there in the rain staring at the debris in a '96 Skylark doesn't help, even if I'm wearing my mom's hooded parka. It doesn't make me smarter.

The pinnacle of Collagemama stupidity, The Altoid Bank Deposit, has reigned for years. Today's discomboobled postal book mess is nothing by comparison.

© 2008 Nancy L. Ruder