4/18/04

URL Dot Argghh!

There's edu and org and com and biz, but I propose a special web designation for parents....

This week a friend told me about her conversation with the custodian at the elementary school. Apparently, the first thing the custodian has to do every morning is walk around the school building to pick up all the used condoms in the doorways. I am creeped out for the custodian, and horrified for all the moms of teenagers in this area.

I've tried to ignore all the stories of teens having oral sex in the high school restrooms during lunch break. I've given many gory lectures about seatbelts and automotive safety during "open campus" lunch period. I've explained in detail that while I may be collecting outstanding children's literature to read to my grandchildren IN THE VERY DISTANT FUTURE, I don't want to read them aloud for many years yet.

To augment my Argghh mood, the lizards on my patio fence are into the spring rape season. Sex in nature is rarely consentual. Drakes nearly drown lady ducks during acts of procreation. Lady lizards are nearly strangled in the grasp of Big Daddy to the music of the Doors. Lizards change color because of mood and health, not for camouflage. At the afternooner fence motel, Big Daddy wears a chartreuse suit with gold chains and cheap sunglasses. Little Brittany Lizard turns a darkly distressed brown and contracts to the skinniest form possible. After doing the deed, Big Daddy climbs to the top of the fence and does a Super Bowl end zone show & tell dance with push-ups and bright red throat displays. Little Brittany makes herself invisible and slinks off to hide in the garden shed while she wonders whether to marry the creep and what to name all the kids...

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