Holy crap! CollageMama has lost touch with her inner Barbie during all these years in the Camo Aisle. She's been through GI Joe, Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Warhammer, Star Wars, and Snaptite models of WWII vehicles.
While my attention was thus distracted, the Pink Aisle situation has sunk to new lows. I am so old that my Barbie had white gloves to accessorize all her outfits. She wore cute pillbox hats. I admit, Barbie had trouble staying with any career for very long, but she never lied about her National Guard service. Her dental records show an impressive lack of cavities. She had leadership potential when she wore her flight suit with the actual teeny-tiny zipper. I would vote for her for president against Bushie the Wonder Gerbil any day, even if she is surgically augmented.
Good grief! What was Mattel(DUH?) thinking? To combat the threat posed by Bratz(TM) dolls in the Pink Aisle at Walmart, Mattel has launched postemptive Diva Starz (TM) dolls. Both sides of this marketing Armageddon are short-waisted plastic 3-D mixes of velvet paintings, claymation Cher, and jerky Japanese animation.
The whole usage of "diva" is becoming clearer. I have been so out of touch with mass marketing to girls that I imagined progress had been made in our culture's goals and models for young women. Find an AIDS cure? Go to Mars? Design hybrid vehicles? Solve the health care crisis? Shirley, you jest!
I am hereby launching my Opera Diva Barbie(TM) line of dolls. Barbie's figure is perfect for those armored bras anyway, and she's got the magenta satin gowns with velvet trim. Opera Diva Barbie(TM) will have an imbedded musical chip. Just push on her perfect diaphragm, and she will launch into a random Wagner aria.
New for You in Summer 2004: Opera Diva Barbie's Viking Helmet(TM).
Coming in Fall 2004: Water-logged Ophelia(TM)! Wear your Rue with a difference! And will'a not come again?
No comments:
Post a Comment