The Wrong Kidney

Fortunately, I'm not a surgeon.

Yesterday my observant coworker noticed that the driver side headlight was out on my Buick. She's always noticing stuff wrong with the Buick mainly because she's an eagle eye, but partly because the Buick has lots of wrong stuff to notice. When I got home I found that the passenger side turn signal didn't work either.



Like calling for Batman, I beamed the Buick tri-shield symbol into the night sky over the metropolis. My automotive guys picked up the signal almost immediately, donned their capes, and emailed me back. "No, don't do it! Don't go to the dealership!," they all agreed. Two gave me a you-can-do-it pep talk. Best of all, Fischer gave me detailed instructions on where to buy the bulbs, and how to access the Auto Repair Reference Center database through my local library's website. He's my hero, and I will be glad to feed him those Lunch Gang sandwiches he likes so much any time he's in town!

This morning I set off on my errands. Had coffee with a good friend. Had my hair cut and eyebrows waxed. Looking like a bouffant extraterrestrial from "Men In Black", I went to Auto Zone to get the light bulbs. Came home and popped the hood. I am woman. Hear me roar!

Hood popped.

Took my printout of the Auto Repair instructions for repair/chassis electrical/headlight out to the car, along with a pair of pliers and a screwdriver from "my" toolbox. Step One--disconnect negative battery cable? Okay, that's the battery, and that's the negative pole. Fortunately the database has a remedial section on how to disconnect a battery cable. Found a crescent wrench in toolbox #2.

This is the battery.*

On proceeding to Step Two, I notice the illustrations don't look a thing like my car headlights. With some unclipping of clips that don't need to be unclipped, I figure out what bolts have to be removed to reach the headlight and turn signal. It's not the front turn signal that is out, but the one around on the side of the Skylark.

See those bolts that look like frog eyes?

Fischer warned me about the plastic clips, but they weren't a big hurdle. I replaced the headlight bulb (#9004), and the side turn signal bulb (#194). Put everything back together, reconnected the negative battery cable, started the car. You go, girl! It's on. It's blinking. But, oops, it was the driver side headlight that was burned out. I have just replaced the passenger side.

Unwilling to look on the negative side, I go back to Auto Zone for another bulb. Come home. Disconnect negative battery cable. Unclip things that don't need unclipping, and reclip them. Remove one bolt, as in "Unfasten the headlight retainer attaching screws, then remove the retainer," except that the 1996 Skylark has never been to an orthodontist.



One frog eye bolt refuses to budge. Maybe I need a socket or a ratchet or something. I'm unclear on the vocabulary, but I find Son #2's socket set. After much agony, I determine the bolt is a size 11, smack between 3/8" and 7/16". Can't figure out what to do with that determination, though.

In toolbox #3 I find a better crescent wrench. I know it's a crescent wrench because I've been looking up wrenches in my American Heritage Dictionary with its good illustrations. The open-end wrench hadn't worked, and I was afraid to try the enormous plumber's wrench I acquired for some bathroom repairs a year back. I was intimidated by the label inside the hood warning me, "Do not lift vehicle by using oil pan." but that is a story for a different day.

Sally Hansen's "Beloved Bloom" Maximum Growth Nourishing Nail Color is perfect for both bulb replacement days and apres-automotive nights!

Once the bolt is off, replacing the headlight bulb is quick work. The Buick is back in business, boys and girls. It's winking in appreciation. I am, too!




*Found the lid to the windshield fluid tank down inside the headlight assembly.