Wear Corduroy

Those two words constitute my advice to the Democratic presidential candidates going into the New Hampshire primary. Corduroy sends the message that you are dressed warm enough to satisfy your mommy, and you are sensible, thrifty, soft, down-home, honest, and ribbed. Ribbed is close enough to backbone, and to possessing moral fiber for those of us living on Quick Oats, Minute Rice, and Ramen Noodles. Corduroy tells Baby Boomers you have leadership ability. Every Baby Boomers knew a student body president who wore cords and a thrift shop tweed sport coat back in the day. Corduroy pants also tell voters you are hip to Atkins and South Beach. By the end of any day corduroy is relaxed and saggy enough to create the illusion of miraculous weight loss. Now to address our true axis of evil foe--carbohydrates!

The local newspaper quotes former Senator Alan Simpson on Howard Dean after the Iowa caucus:

He looked like a prairie dog on speed.

I didn't see Dr. Dean on tv since I don't watch tv, but I did hear the sound bite on NPR. I was glad he knew the names of so many states. Could he go head to head with Dubya in a geography bee? I'm an old Great Plains gal. I know prairie dogs. I love prairie dogs. Some of my best friends are prairie dogs. My middle son managed to climb into the prairie dog exhibit at the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha in 1987. I was extremely pregnant, and had to climb down into the enclosure to haul Mike out. Many, many prairie dogs were traumatized. Anyway, as fond as I am of the little critters, they don't exhibit presidential attributes, especially if we disclose their methamphetamine addictions.

Now we resuscitate Senator Kerry, who has been diagnosed with "Long Disease" by my coworker. Remember when you could put Silly Putty on the Sunday comics, then stretch the characters? That is what happened to Kerry. I'm pretty sure it happened to him in Nam, and the VA has been remiss in addressing this problem. Have any candidates with Long Disease ever been elected president? Not since four score and seven...

And now on my server webpage I see the headline, "Japan's saves leader joining White Sox." Good God! I tell my youngest, "Japan has invaded Chicago!" Steven calmly explains that there is an apostrophe s. Japan didn't save its leader from becoming a baseball player. We can all breathe easier.

Think I'll go watch "Dr. Strangelove". No fighting in the War Room! Nothing says electable like corduroy.