Let's not guess my lunch!

Do you like see food? That's the age-old school cafeteria joke about chewing with your mouth open. See food is not appealing. It ranks in the gross kid behavior Top Ten list between chewing the neck of one's t-shirt, and running both hands up one's shorts' legs to take attendance.

At some point in the parenting process you have to confront these behaviors, and it should be well before your child goes to college. By the time your child is four, you must be getting pretty tired of being grossed out. The whole bodily fluids adventure is getting really old. Even grandmas are tired of hearing about soft and firm stools. That's why you potty-trained your daughter, of course. That's why you're teaching your son to wipe by himself, to flush, and then wash hands with soap.

Kids age four are easily taught to cover their mouth when they cough. Some can learn that sucking the neck of their shirts makes ugly laundry stains. See food's your parental cue to start some serious manners instruction.

Socialize, in my old American Heritage Dictionary, means 2. To fit for companionship with others; make sociable in attitude or manners:

Socialization
Learning the customs, attitudes, and values of a social group, community, or culture. Socialization is essential for the development of individuals who can participate and function within their societies, as well as for ensuring that a society's cultural features will be carried on through new generations.

Somewhere in the Sixties socialization got a bad rap, along with discrimination. Discriminating is differentiating, drawing fine distinctions, or being perceptive. One cannot do any meaningful work without the ability to discriminate. The word just got tangled up with prejudice and preferential treatment. Socialization became a bugaboo associated with forced acceptance of gender role cultural norms. One cannot be a part of any group without socialization.

The essential functions of parenting are to raise children to be self-sufficient, self-motivated, and able to participate as citizens of the world. Parents must raise children to challenge gender role norms in society, but without devaluing the process of parenting itself. Being a parent is more important than any other work. Our cultures are merging to become a worldwide society. Our children need to be able to participate as fully-functioning members of that worldwide community. They certainly need responsible parents to achieve that ability.

Unless parents expect a child to live a solitary life in an isolated cave surviving on lunches of grasshoppers, it's a good idea to suggest chewing with one's mouth closed. [Because of their long legs, it is difficult to chew crunchy grasshoppers with your mouth closed.] Age four is the time to start. Model the behavior you want to see. Let kids know they are becoming more delightful dinner companions, and they will rise to the challenge. It's okay if they still put pitted black olives on their fingertips, though. I'd be very worried if they didn't!

As for the shorts, I told my sons to do that in their own rooms, then wash their hands! They turned out pretty well, and probably won't need years of therapy.

© 2007 Nancy L. Ruder