Twas a hellacious night of mental three-headed dog-walking, dental drilling dreams, and idiothermostatic irregularities. Somewhere between the hotter-than-Hades throwing off of blankets, the post-flash chills, and trying to remember if Dr. Deavers was the dentist or the doctor in old-timey Pierce, Nebraska, I got hung up on Dad's phrase, "since Hector was a pup."
My Auntie Em used the expression "since Hector was a pup" often, so I sense it came from the early 1900s. In Miss Madsen's seventh grade English class we studied Edith Hamilton's Mythology and Homer's Iliad. Hector, as everyone knows, was the true Trojan hero slain by Achilles and dragged all over tarnation in front of his parents, Priam and Hecuba. Dr. Louise Pound expounded in her 1927 work, The Etymology of an English Expletive, on the origin of "tarnation".
Feeling dragged through the cycle for yet another night, I'm wondering what's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba that he should weep for her. Maybe Hecuba is tossing and turning, and keeping Priam awake all night. Maybe Hecuba is considering asking her doctor if hormone therapy is right for her. How did hellfire and damnation get twisted into tarnation? How do carnations get dyed all those tutti-frutti colors for bouquets for sorority initiations?
When was Hector a pup? Was Hector a bully? Why is Heck a nickname for Henry? Who were the other two lawmen known as the "Three Guardsmen"* of the Oklahoma Territory besides Heck Thomas? Was Heck the one who killed Bill Doolin? What Led Zeppelin song had the howling dogs of doom?
No Quarter (Jones/Page/Plant)
Close the door, put out the light.
You know they won't be home tonight.
The snow falls hard and don't you know?
The winds of Thor are blowing cold.
They're wearing steel that's bright and true
They carry news that must get through.
They choose the path where no-one goes.
They hold no quarter.
Walking side by side with death,
The devil mocks their every step
The snow drives back the foot that's slow,
The dogs of doom are howling more
They carry news that must get through,
To build a dream for me and you
They choose the path where no-one goes.
They hold no quarter. They ask no quarter.
The pain, the pain without quarter.
They ask no quarter.
The dogs of doom are howling more!
Then, of course, we must consider why heck is a euphemism for hell. Hell is a euphemism for having to walk the three-headed dog before you've had three mugs of black coffee. Cerberus is the three-headed hound guarding Hades. A cold day in hell is when Cerberus licks the pump and freezes his tongue on the handle.
*Chris Madsen and Bill Tilghman
© 2007 Nancy L. Ruder
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