8/27/06

Holst Your Horses!

I've been demoted to dwarf planet status! I accepted long ago that I wasn't the center of the known universe and would probably never appear in an MTV video. Now I've been kicked out of the planet club, and my styrofoam mobile orb has been confiscated.

Dennis Overbye wrote in the Friday New York Times, "Vote Makes It Official: Pluto Isn’t What It Used to Be":

Under the new rules, a planet must meet three criteria: it must orbit the Sun, it must be big enough for gravity to squash it into a round ball, and it must have cleared other things out of the way in its orbital neighborhood...Dwarf planets, on the other hand, need only orbit the Sun and be round.

Gustav Holst didn't compose music for Pluto in "The Planets". Pluto was discovered in 1930, but the suite was written in 1917. Holst died in 1934 without adding a musical Pluto.

This old gray mare ain't the celestial goddess she used to be. I am big enough for gravity to squash me into a round ball. You would be wise to visualize that particular round ball as a fuzzy yellow tennis ball! Former celestial goddesses can be somewhat irritable.

The real reason for my demotion is I've not cleared other things out of the way in my orbital neighborhood. Mister Rodgers would not be impressed with my efforts to cull the contents of my file cabinets. I keep tripping over stacks of stuff when I try to orbit my the condo. It's not a beautiful day in my solar neighborhood, and the system is broken.

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