Stages of Parenthood

My oldest has reached a stage in life that I'd almost forgotten. He entered the grad student potluck dinner phase. This is a challenging mental exercise as he strives to create edible food items related to themes and school spirit, adaptable for vegans, sugar- and caffeine-free folks, and seasoned with fermented Birkenstocks. All entries must cost under 25 cents/serving, and require a maximum of one saucepan for preparation.

These are my very unscientific categories of parenthood:

1. You'll never sleep again. You have an infant.
2. Driving with ducks --Raffi soothes your toddler.
3. Wheem-O-Whip/The lion sleeps --Your preschooler discovers Classic Rock.
4. Here comes the bride--The kindergarten wedding of Q and U.
5. Everything I know about math I learned from baseball cards.
6. Your control is an illusion: the car radio is not yours.
7. Did you see that Ferrari, Mom? Automotive ogling in the school speed zone.
8. Don't stand so, don't stand so close to me--giving your middle school student space.
9. Nay is dight. Your precious baby becomes nocturnal, and wants the car keys.
10. Portage--carrying heavy loads upstream for young impractical explorers.
11. Sublet furnishing=Can I take these dishes? I thought you'd never ask!
12. Potluck. That perennial grad student entertainment. What to make that is almost edible, but takes no skill and less than seven dollars???