Cyberchondria

Medical researchers have noted a correlation between the onset of the well-documented "empty nest syndrome" and the first presentation of cyberchondria americanus symptoms. Symptoms include heightened agitation; irrational aggravation; cold sweats; frequent aborted calls to overseas tech service numbers; eyelid spasms; repetitive unproductive behaviors such as turning computers on and off, on and off, on and off..., plugging and unplugging surge protectors, or answering every darn request for a user name and password with MerCurY7 and GemINI8; exaggerated hissed verbal threats to go live in a cave and never come out.