We had to refill the tank of the Dodge Journey SUV before returning it to the National rental car lot. The combination of social events and Mapquest directions over the long, fabulous wedding weekend had zapped my energy reserves.
I don't mind being lost by myself nearly as much as being lost when I'm driving other passengers. Here I was in a long tunnel to nowhere west of Lambert-St. Louis International with my last companion riding shotgun.
Four passengers had already been delivered to their airport terminals. Lots of luggage and hugs had been unloaded. Thank heaven there are no meters for good-byes like those for diagonal and parallel parking. I didn't have enough quarters!
This tunnel is not a refueling cave. Nor is it a route to an automotive gas station. I may be lost, but within hours I'll be home to my cave for some serious solitude.
My heart is full of love, joy, and gratitude. My mind is full of images and conversations. Still, I am completely exhausted. The bags under my eyes could conceal Jimmy Hoffa. My limbs are as brittle as the unwatered sweet potato vine baking on my doorstep since Wednesday. Plus, I've used up all my monthly cell phone text messages!
I don't feel like a social failure today. I'm not kicking myself twice around the block as I would have a few years ago, The Myers-Briggs and True Colors personality tests have given me insight and self acceptance.
Families are so amazing and contradicting. My sister needs social interactions and talk to refuel and process her experiences. I must have solitude and quiet to process the same experiences and find the energy to continue.
© 2010 Nancy L. Ruder
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