Revenge of the Storytime Lady

For seven years I've gathered small children in a circle to listen to stories. There are few things more magical than sharing books and stories with children. They respond to the words and illustrations so openly. I try to rise to their eager anticipation and rapt attention. In perfect moments we all become fused in the enchantment of the story. In other moments, there are Velcro shoes.

Velcro is to the Storytime Lady what Lord Vordemort is to Harry Potter. One child has the power to destroy the bubble of enchantment. Just one child with Velcro shoes can bring down a sparkling rainbow communion. Just one child, innocently, but inattentively, adjusting the straps on shoes that light up when stomped and sport a registered trademark movie character. SKRWASH. SKKRWASH. SKKRWASSSH. SSSKKRWASSSH. It's more contagious than yawning or SARS! In five seconds every child in the circle save one is doing the Velcro Thing. Once is not enough. The Velcro always SKKRWASHES twice, thrice... Nails on the blackboard. Dental surgery. Indiana Jones with snakes and rats. Diaper rash. Steel wool loofahs. College statistics classes. Bus rides. Athlete's foot. Campground restrooms. Machine coffee in a paper cup on a nocturnal crosscountry drive... And now that one non-SKKRWWWASHING child has covered his ears, assumed the fetal position, and is moaning for his special bunny....

The Storytime Lady finally acts. After seven years! The magic number. Yes, the Lady of the Swollen Feet, oh She of the Dark Fatigue, wraps herself in the Cloak of the Mastercard. She joins the Quest for the Perfect Shoe. She finds wilderness sandals that look like sawed-off walking boots with tire tread soles. Each sandal has four Velcro straps. The Storytime Lady lusts for the power! She becomes a crazed, stomping ,orthopedic, menopausal robot on the rampage. Rambo Reader draped in Velcro ammo belts... It's the whole nine yards! Anything you can SSKRRWASSH, she can SKRWWASSH better. She can SKKRWASSSH anything better than you. .......

But now all is quiet. So quiet Bambi and his mother could walk out into the meadow. The Storytime Lady slowly opens the book. She begins to read "Millions of Cats", by Wanda Gag.