Lunch at the White House

Laura looked in the kitchen cabinet yesterday and shrieked, "I don't have enough water glasses! The only ones left have horrible water spots!" Dubya had invited his dad, Jimmy, Bill, and Barack to lunch. Laura had been using the inexpensive Homelife dishwasher detergent from Albertsons, and hadn't added any JetDry since Hector was a pup. Maybe the Secret Service guys wandered off with the rest of the tumblers. Maybe Cheney took them down to his undisclosed bunker.

It's difficult to bond and form a support group over lunch if you have distracting unmatched and spotted glasses. I mean, how do you decide which former prez gets the plastic kiddie cup from Dickey's BBQ? Who gets the jumbo souvenir cup from the Dallas Burn soccer game against David Beckham and the LA Galaxy? Who gets the spotted Flintstones Welch jelly glass?

Some Homelife products work fine. The unscented laundry detergent is good. But if you are entertaining once and future presidents, or potential daughters-in-law, it's worth springing for high-priced dishwasher Cascade.

I called my dad, not to be confused with Dubya's dad, to ask him just when Hector was a pup. Dad has been using the expression "since Hector was a pup" since I was little, and probably far longer.

N Who was Hector, Dad?

H Some old dog.

N When you used that expression were you thinking about the Trojan War?

H Definitely not.

N Was it a Twenties expression like "the bees' knees"?

H More likely from the Thirties.

N Was it possibly a baseball radio announcer's expression?

H I think I was saying it before I was listening to radio.

When I first encountered Odysseus, Achilles, Priam, Helen, Edith Hamilton, and Menelaus in Miss Madsen's 1967 junior high English class, I was surprised to find a Trojan hero named after my dad's pup, Hector. Hey, I wanted to raise my hand, hey! I've heard of Hector. He was my dad's dog in the Great Depression! Miss Madsen would have twitched her mustache in disapproval.

I hope the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue lunch group was able to give Barack some suggestions for an allergy-friendly White House puppy. Maybe name it Hector? Or Spot.

© 2009 Nancy L. Ruder