Tolltag trouble served on new plates

The Buick is sporting new plates these days, and I'm trying to learn my new number. After seven years with a license that lent itself to mnemonic devices about Ali Baba's thieves and a memorable year in my junior high career, the new plates read like Eisenhower Administration Scooby DooSpeak. Dogpiled on that, I got an e-newsletter from the North Texas Tollway Authority with a list of common violations for tolltag users. It slowly sunk into my brain that I might be in trouble. Since I'd had to replace my plates, I'd spent two holiday months picking up and dropping off sons at DFW airport reached by driving the George H. W. Bush Tollway.

YOUR TOLLTAG HAS TO MATCH THE REGISTERED LICENSE PLATE EACH & EVERY TIME YOU DRIVE THROUGH A TOLLBOOTH:

1. Don't use your tolltag while driving a rental car.
2. Check your tolltag account online at least as often as you change your furnace filter or replace your toothbrush.
3. Update license plate info.
4. Update credit card info.
5. Update if you buy a new car. Oh, yeah. That'll be the day.

Tolltags are very useful for those of us with post-elementary school P.E. class traumas due to our inability to throw coins into tollbaskets. We have serious eye-hand coordination issues in stressful timed-response situations like dodge ball and red rover. With a tolltag velcroed to the windshield we can avoid most episodes of turnpike anxiety syndrome.

This new pickle in the works made me want to sell the Buick. By that I mean "to vomit", according to various slang dictionaries. I was glad to resolve it inexpensively and quickly online.